Ask Boris

Q:  My friends and I are fighting, what do I do?

A:  Sometimes you have to make decisions for yourself.  It will make you a stronger person.

Q:  I like popsicles.

A:  Good for you.  There are no popsicles in KGB. 

Q:  Why is there a Colbert and Boris?

A:  That is like asking why is there KGB… you do not ask, you accept. 

Q:  I think I love someone!  It’s you! Do you like me?

A:  Emotions make weak people.

Q:  Why is box smashing so dangerous?

A: Depends on what kind of box… Russian box very dangerous.  Other box not so much.

Q:  Why do only jocks play football?

A:   Because jocks are not smart enough to be in KGB

Q:  Who are you?

A: Who are you?

Q:  If you could be any animal for a week, what would you be and why? I would be a porcupine because they have spikes and they shuffle funny.

 – Porcupinia

A:  If you really want to know, I would be a chameleon… master of disguise.

Q:  What is your favorite thing to do in Russia? 

- Europe Guy

A:  Base jumping in Siberia.  Very cold there. 

Ask Colbster

One of my friend’s ex boyfriends, that I have known all my life, hates me, calls me a brat, and announces to the class that he hates me. What should I do? Help!

-Don’t want to lose a friend

Hey “Don't want to lose a friend"

I know it's hard when boys are mean and rude. You kind of have to roll with the punches, showing them their meanness has no effect on you. If it’s really bothering you, confront the boy and ask him what his problem is and what you ever did! You always have the option of talking to a teacher or Mrs. Platt if it gets out of control. Good luck!

-Colbster

I have a friend that doesn’t trust me with a stupid little thing or anything else! Should I trust her? HELP

-Anonymous

Hola! Basically mistrust comes from past betrayal. Your friend might just have fear of trusting people because of past experiences. I know it can be frustrating, but you really have to be open-minded to your friend and show her that you can be trusted.

-Colbster

Any tips for surviving Upper School?

-Anonymous

Ni Hao! My best tip for surviving the Upper School is staying on top of your class assignments. Procrastinating only adds to stress and tension, and believe me, Upper School is so much more enjoyable when you aren’t stressed! Most of all, just try to enjoy Upper School, because it’s a lot of fun and is a truly unique experience.

-Colbster

What’s something that will help me to complete my homework faster?

LOL

-an anonymous boy

Anonymous boy,

1. Never get a Facebook page

2. Never get an AIM

Facebook and AIM are HUGE distractions, and I find that when not used, homework can be completed a millions times faster. If you already have a Facebook page and/or an AIM and find yourself easily distracted, ask your Mom or Dad to change your password, and not allow you to go on until all your homework is done. Eighth periods and study halls are also great times to get a head start on your homework, so you’ll be less stressed at night. Good luck!

-Colbster

Ask Boris

*Remember heavy Russian accent for answers

My ex-boyfriend still likes me.  How do I

tell him that I don’t like him AND get him

out of my hair?  -Clueless

Dear Clueless,

In Russia there is no such thing as ‘ex-boyfriend,’ so I do not know what you are talking about, but if you looking to get rid of someone, assassination is always option. -Boris

What’s a great book to read?  -Book Seeker.

Dear Book Seeker,

My personal favorite is either Russia: A History or

The KGB Field Manual… Okay, I lied.  My favorite book is Twilight. You should consider reading. -Boris

If you had to choose between buying a platypus and buying a lemur, which would you chose?  -Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Neither.  I would choose messenger pigeon.  Very reliable.  -Boris

Boris, this question has been in my head for days, please help!  If  x = 22.9 and y = 7.1, does 3x²y³ · 10^-5 equal the are of a quadrilateral with the dimensions of

(x+4) by (yx²-3)?  -Math…person, I assume.

Dear Math Person,

If this strange question has been in head for days, have you considered it was put there via inception?  In Russia this is real technique.  Have you been involved with KGB at all?  -Boris