Ask Boris

*Remember heavy Russian accent for answers

My ex-boyfriend still likes me.  How do I

tell him that I don’t like him AND get him

out of my hair?  -Clueless

Dear Clueless,

In Russia there is no such thing as ‘ex-boyfriend,’ so I do not know what you are talking about, but if you looking to get rid of someone, assassination is always option. -Boris

What’s a great book to read?  -Book Seeker.

Dear Book Seeker,

My personal favorite is either Russia: A History or

The KGB Field Manual… Okay, I lied.  My favorite book is Twilight. You should consider reading. -Boris

If you had to choose between buying a platypus and buying a lemur, which would you chose?  -Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Neither.  I would choose messenger pigeon.  Very reliable.  -Boris

Boris, this question has been in my head for days, please help!  If  x = 22.9 and y = 7.1, does 3x²y³ · 10^-5 equal the are of a quadrilateral with the dimensions of

(x+4) by (yx²-3)?  -Math…person, I assume.

Dear Math Person,

If this strange question has been in head for days, have you considered it was put there via inception?  In Russia this is real technique.  Have you been involved with KGB at all?  -Boris